Friday, December 04, 2009

You Learn Something New Every Day in This Game -- Unfortunately

Back in my innocent youth, before Thanksgiving, I was sure that no experience could be more dismal, painful, and misspent than reading, listening to or watching sports commentators discuss politics.

Tiger Woods took it upon himself to prove me wrong. Reading, listening to or watching sports commentators discuss sex, marriage and human relationships is infinitely worse. Better four hours stuck with Fred, Steve, Pete and the Big O going over monetary policy's effects on the balance of payments than one nanosecond of what has been inescapable the last few days.

For many of you out there, the shallow and mundane moralizing on Woods, his wife, the Other Women, etc. does offer the compensation of the dark humor generated by the unintentionally self-revealing nature of the commentary. It's when we talk about others that we most show ourselves, after all. This twisted pleasure, alas, is denied me. I WAS a commentator. I know these people. All I'm left with is excruciating embarrassment for those colleagues of yesteryear and a profound sense of social awkwardness. As Woods proved, it's hard to drive a car when feeling socially awkward. And he was just in his driveway. I'm out on 128.

Here's a tip for my former fellow commentators. Gang, take it from us WASPs. There are many moments in life when repression is the most useful and wise psychological impulse of all. This is one of those times.


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