Sunday, March 22, 2009

Everybody Needs a Vice

President, that is.

Barack Obama didn't want to go to last night Gridiron Club dinner, so he didn't, and went to Chicago for the weekend instead. That's understandable. The Gridiron Club is one of those Washington affairs where the overpaid, stuck-on-themselves nitwits of our national press corps put on tuxedos (or gowns), sit in a hotel function room, and listen to each other make "humorous" speeches. Who wouldn't rather be in Chicago, or the eighth circle of hell for that matter?

But, the pompous poobahs had their feelings hurt. So Obama sent Joe Biden, who LIKES getting dressed up in a tuxedo and telling terrible jokes to a bunch of stiffs. Biden had a swell time, and presumably, so did the President.

Wouldn't it be great if everybody had a Vice- who showed up at the stuff you didn't want to do? Not work, or the Registry, or stuff you HAVE to do in daily life, but the tedious, awkward social bits you'd rather skip. Like, say, your significant other really wants to see a movie you'd rather catch in the big DVD release in the sky, or insists you bond by watching their alma mater blow a second half lead in the NCAA over nine beers while he/she screams at Ted Valentine.

No sweat. You'd call in your carefully vetted swing state Vice-Michael (insert your name) and go back to doing what you really wanted. The Vice-You would always be on tap for robocalls, Girl Scout cookie peddlers, and promises made by others on your behalf. Life would be sweet. And, since you're the boss, you wouldn't have to listen to the Vice's terrible jokes either.


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